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Didn't your mama ever tell you not to eat a glowing apple? [via BoingBoing]

Didn't your mama ever tell you not to eat a glowing apple?

I grew up on cleaned-up Hans Christian and Disney just like the rest of America’s youth. While much has been made of the “fairy tale ending,” people seldom question the other nonsensical details of many of these stories. For example, why on earth would you ever eat an apple given to you by an old hag out in the forest? Was Snow White that dim? Luckily, these cool computer decals do the thinking we didn’t. Just slap one onto a Mac, and – presto! – homegirl just saved herself however many years stuck in a coma. I think I might get one for my new laptop.

Let this be a lesson to ya, kids: stick to the candy on Halloween. At least it comes individually wrapped. (via BoingBoing)

"You forgot to get skim milk in my coffee??"

"You forgot to get skim milk in my coffee??"

Dear Julian,

I know we’ve never met, but since you live across the street from me, I feel as if I know you. I don’t mean to seem stalker-ish, but it’s hard not to pay attention to you since I hear your name every other day. Remember that time a few weeks ago when you and your dad went out to a café early Saturday morning while I was trying to sleep? No? Well, I do. Your mommy decided to yell her order to you and your daddy even though you were both halfway down the block. Why she didn’t do this while you were still inside is beyond me. Did you make sure to pick up that iced coffee?

But seriously, it must be nice having the run of a whole brownstone as a five-year-old. I understand it must suck not having a full yard to play in, but you are just a few blocks away from the largest park in Brooklyn. You should ask your mom to take you there sometime. By the way, is she scared of leaving the stoop? I can’t quite figure out why she screams at you from the front door all the time. You should tell her that in Park Slope, people don’t get mugged just because they’re out on the sidewalk. And unfortunately, this isn’t the suburbs. Our buildings are not separated by full yards, so, yes, everything she shouts outside the apartment becomes all of our business.

It seems like your little sister is growing up quickly too! I see and hear her running around more and more these days. Since your mother hasn’t quite mastered the concept of the “indoor voice,” you should become a big brother role model and teach her that when she is outside, she shouldn’t shriek and disturb the whole street. I know how exciting is it to take out the trash with daddy, but I’d prefer not to hear about while I’m catching up on “Mad Men.”

Anyways, I hope you had a nice Labor Day weekend! Are you starting school soon? You must be excited. I’m sure I’ll hear about it if you ever leave your lunch on the counter.

Ever cordial,

Your friendly neighbor

I'z supozed to blogg?

I'z supozed to rite somthing?

I know the internets never sleep or go on vacation, but I guess I got swept up in the only month of summer we had in New York. Would you want to spend 80 degree and sunny days cooped up inside tapping away on your decrepit laptop? I think not. So, without further ado, welcome to autumn and a renewed commitment to bloggity blog blog.

Hamburger Dress

…there’s always this crocheted hamburger dress. Who knew lettuce, tomato, cheese, and a patty could be so slimming? Plus if a friend gets a Hamburgler costume, you’ll be all set for Halloween this year.

I promise this will be the last food-related fashion item I post. Scout’s honor! (via Jezebel)

I’m posting this video because it is too cute not to share and because I’m too exhausted to write anything. Be warned: this is sickeningly adorable.

(via youtube via buzzfeed via jezebel, all because I’m lazy)

As the the lightning cracks outside my window and the rain comes bucketing down, my television, like most, is tuned to the ongoing coverage of Michael Jackson’s life. It only seems right to make a small commemorative tribute to the King of Pop and one of Charlie’s Angels (and Ed McMahon, to be completely fair). Unfortunately, now my dream of a MJ, Prince, and Justin Timberlake collaboration will have to remain a fantasy. (Sorry, Farrah and Ed, your youtube catalogue is not nearly as developed as MJ’s.)

Lo and behold…

bacon shoe

…the bacon shoe!

If anyone spots a pair in real life, pretty please take a picture and email it to me. It would be great to get a baco-gallery going. (via Jezebel)

One of the Celebrate Brooklyn concerts at the Prospect Park Bandshell (photo by hilde.ileana/Flickr)

One of the Celebrate Brooklyn concerts at the Prospect Park Bandshell (photo by hilde.ileana/Flickr)

People come from Brooklyn and beyond to take part in one of my favorite summer Slope activities: the Celebrate Brooklyn concert series held in the Prospect Park bandshell. And unlike the McCarren Park Pool concerts of yore (RIP), when you don’t feel like paying for a ticket, you can have just as much fun picnicking with some friends around the bandshell perimeter, listening to the show and drinking some vino.

For those who aren’t fortunate enough to live within walking distance of Prospect Park (suckers!) there is now a new option for the particularly lazy bikers among you: free valet bike parking.

The “Celebrate Brooklyn Bike Zone” will be right next to the 9th Street entrance to the park, and while there are some useful aspects to the zone, like “Bike Experts” to help with minor repairs like flat tires, and a self-lock zone, why anyone would desire to use the bike valet service is beyond me.

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Kitteh toasts to Strollerkill!

Kitteh toasts to Strollerkill!

Hello, all! Welcome to Strollerkill, a Park Slope-based blog for those who can still (theoretically) jet set without dragging along a baby carriage. And since being sans enfants means greater flexibility in general, posts will range from events and goings-on around Park Slope and Brooklyn to free concerts at the South Street Seaport to a restaurant recommendation in Queens. Maybe I’ll even throw in a stray random political thought or book suggestion – the possibilities are limited only by my mood and laziness. If you ever have a suggestion or link to something that should be covered on the blog, please let me know!

Therefore, I hereby launch Strollerkill! I hope you enjoy it… and maybe one day give me a book deal or a lot of cash.